Coping with Christmas - some helpful tips
Christmas is meant to be a joyous time when we get together with our loved ones and have some time out to reflect, relax and recharge. Sometimes we can manage to have it this way but often people feel the anxiety and stress start to build around October with all the long lists of things to be done. Rushing around in the heat doesn’t help and everyone seems to be on the roads and in the shops at once so peace is the last thing you feel!
Here are some tips to keep in mind if you need them; hopefully they can contribute in some way to your happy, safe and joyous Christmas period.
Communicate – talk with your family or friends about the plans for the day and for days around it so you know what you’re doing. People are often fearful to bring it up which leads to avoidance and can create unnecessary anxiety. Once you know the plan, you can prepare for that.
Manage your expectations – does everything have to be perfect? Abandon the “shoulds, oughts and musts” that can often arise in your self-talk. Does it really matter that your dotty great aunt asks you if you’re married yet for the 37th time?! How you REACT to situations will determine how you feel so try and let it slide over you.
Organise and prioritise – make lists of EVERYTHING. Write everything down and give your poor overworked brain some help. Be realistic with what you can achieve and see what’s absolutely essential. When you have a specific list of tasks, you are more likely to be able to delegate.
Break down seemingly big tasks into small steps and take a deep breath as you realise you will be able to do this after all!
Remember your self care – throughout the year you may have been exercising, meditating, tapping (EFT/SET), writing down your thoughts, taking vitamin supplements or whatever keeps you healthy and balanced inside and out, so continue to practice your good habits as much as possible.
Dealing with family – unfortunately Christmas will not magically make tensions and hurts disappear, so if you’ve always had a troubled relationship with a particular family member, chances are if nothing has changed or been discussed, you may feel some apprehension.
So do the best you can with the resources you have: Firstly, really practice step 4! Organise some games – backyard cricket, trivia games, board games, music.
This gives everyone a common focus and a chance to participate in the day without having too many intense conversations. If there are children in your family, maybe they could do a performance for everyone or dress up.
Being alone - If you’re going to be alone, plan for something to do. Volunteer for a charity helping with lunch for the homeless, gather other friends – “orphans” to spend time with, or if your family is away, make sure you’ve written cards and emails, and stay in touch.
Missing someone - If it’s the first Christmas without a loved one, get some extra support before, during and after. Grief can be magnified on anniversaries and special occasions, so do something to honour your loved one. Perhaps go for a walk in the morning alone so you can ‘talk’ to them. Call a trusted friend or Lifeline. And remember it is OK to feel joy even though they aren’t there – imagine them smiling at you from wherever they are. I’m sure they would be happy to see you laughing.
Many families - If your family is split up, talk to each other about what to do and ask your children what they would like to do. Keep the lines of communication open, and consider all ideas. Children like to know the parent they won’t be with is happy, they feel responsible, so help them by planning something nice for yourself and reassure them that you are fine.
Budget – if possible, start saving early in the year, even if it’s $5 a week. Consider doing a Kris Kringle/Secret Santa, or agree to just buy for the kids.
Time out – if it all feels too much at any point of the day or season, go for a walk, swim or take a long shower and take some long deep meditative breaths. It’s better to soothe yourself and be away from the party for half an hour than stay there seething or upset and have emotions boil over.
Remember, you cannot control other people’s behaviour but you can choose to feel positivity and love even in the smallest of ways this Christmas. May you have a peaceful and joyous holiday time and a 2010 full of all the good things!